Manipulation
by princey
Summary: Brian uses his awesome powers of manipulation, there's a press conference, david bowie references (more to come), slash and a mildly sycophantic maid! Brian/Curt
1. breakfast

A/N: I love the Velvet Goldmine, it's probably one of my favorite movies ever (if not actually my favorite) and Brian is _definitely_ my favorite character, I hate Arthur but I like Curt. The only reason this story is parodyesque is because I'm completely incapable of writing anything even remotely serious. –Princey

Brian sat in a hotel room one morning, in a bed, trying to remember how he got there. "Oh! How did I get here?" he groaned. Then he noticed that the germ infested hotel blanket was on him and he started to panic, "Curt!" he yelled, not even sure if Curt was in the hotel room with him.

But apparently he was, "What Brian?" 

"Will you get this blanket off me? It's disgusting. How did I get here?"

"Jesus, Brian," Curt said, pulling the blanket off, "You weren't even high or drunk or anything last night, you'd think you could remember for once."

"Remember what? What did you do to me? Was it one of those things I said I wouldn't do? Because if it was I'll fucking _destroy_ you!"

Curt frowned at him, took a swig from his flask (always present when Brian was in the vicinity) and said, "No, we went out to dinner at a very nice restaurant and you were very _charming_ as always."

"Ah, good," said Brian, walking over to the mirror, "Will you find some breakfast?" 

"No! I'm tired of doing everything for you. Find your own fucking breakfast or get one of those pathetic groupies to get it for you." 

Brian went over to Curt and kissed him, stroking his arm. "But, Curt," he said, pulling away slightly, "It always tastes better from you…"

Curt was not quite ready to notice all of Brian's obvious manipulation yet so he said, "Alright," and Brian kissed him again and he went off to get breakfast. 

While Curt was finding food Brian spent the time looking in the mirror, admiring his blue hair and sexy lips. 

Soon Curt got back, with bagels and Brian noticed that he wasn't particularly hungry and told Curt this. "You're not hungry! Well, fuck, why'd you make me go to the bagel store?" 

"Well, I _was_ hungry, I'm just not anymore. And it was very sweet of you to go all that way for me." Curt looked surprisingly hurt by this so Brian took a bagel and ate a little, deciding that the key to keeping Curt from killing him was to give in now and then. 

Just then Mandy burst in drunkenly and said, "Oh, hello Curt and hello Whore," she had taken to calling Brian "Whore" as of lately.

"Oh look," said Brian, "It's my _lovely_ wife, you're looking drunken as usual."

Mandy seemed about to say something but instead she threw up on the carpet. 

"Oh for God's sake,:" said Brian, "Curt, will you call someone to clean that up?"

Curt went to the phone and called someone. Shortly after the call was made a woman in a maid's uniform appeared and said, "AHHH! It's Brian Slade! Oh my God! I can't believe I'm in the same room with you! AHHH!" 

"Neither can I," muttered Curt.

Brian gave her his most charming smile and said, "I'm very pleased to meet you, would you mind cleaning up my drunken wife?"

She looked over at his lethargic wife with the resentment common in his female fans and said, "Yeah, sure." When she finished Brian tried to give her a monetary tip but she insisted that he only autograph her bra.

Curt watched with amusement as Brian quickly covered up his disgust at touching the less than attractive, vomit scented woman and signed her quickly with another, forced, charming smile.


	2. press conference

After the mildly sycophantic maid left Brian turned to Mandy and said, "Are you finished?" Getting no response from his drunken wife he looked over in Curt's general direction and said, "Let's go."

They wandered off into the street, Brian leaning on Curt's arm. Seeing that there were lots of people in the street politely avoiding looking at them, Brian decided that he needed to attract more attention. 'I need those angry stares,' he thought. In order to accomplish this goal he kissed Curt, first on the mouth and then working his way down to his neck. All the while he was looking around to see the angry looks directed at their public display of affection. Of course, Curt was completely oblivious to the logic behind Brian's kissing. 

Finally, after only a few minutes, Brian was rewarded when a bald man with a ridiculous comb over walked over to them and said, "Do you mind? I brought my family to the park for an afternoon picnic and I don't want my children traumatized and my wife offended!"

Brian started laughing in that mocking way he laughs and said, "Curt, look at that funny bald man!"

"Yes, very amusing, Brian." Curt replied. They continued walking along until they came upon a small cat. 

"Look at the cat," said Brian, pointing to the small, furry mammal to his left.

Curt had no idea why Brian was so excited about a small cat so he said, "Brian, I have no idea why you're so excited about that cat."

Brian ignored his comment and said, "I suspect that I'm supposed to be at a press conference right now. Jerry's going to _murder_ me."

"We should probably go there then."

"Yes." They got in a cab and went to where ever press conferences are held. 

When the two of them got to that place Brian walked up to the microphone table, pulling Curt along with him. Jerry glared at Curt and then turned to the frantic reporters and said, "Yes, the man with the funny hat."

The man with the funny hat said, "Why are you late?"

Brian decided not to mention what a strange question that was and said, "Well, Curt and I overslept…" he ended the statement with a suggestive eyebrow raise.

Jerry said, "The woman with the leopard print coat."

"Brian, you're becoming more and more popular by the day. Do you ever worry that your wide influence will have a negative effect on today's young people?"

Brian was thinking to himself what an ugly coat she had and so he didn't hear the question, "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" he asked.

She repeated the question and he said, "What a predictable question, but I'm feeling generous this morning so I'll answer anyway. No, no I don't."

Jerry pointed to a man with a red fedora. 

The man said, "I have a question for Curt. Curt, when you and Brian are in bed, which one of you's the bird?"

"Have that man removed," said Jerry, before the man could go any further. 

"I bet its Brian!" yelled the man with the red fedora as he was dragged from the room by two burly security guards.

"I _wonder_ where he got that idea," said Curt, glancing at Brian, who was busily reapplying his mascara. 

"We have time for one more question," Jerry announced, "Yes, you with the fuzzy pen."

"Brian, I've heard rumors that say you're planning on taking Curt's last name, buying a German Shepherd, abducting a Chinese person and moving to Virginia to start a tomato farm."

Brian coughed and said, "Who ever thought of those rumors is a huge moron."

"I thought of those rumors! I was trying to get you to admit something," said the man with the fuzzy pen.

"That's so silly and pointless, you're a huge moron."


	3. band practice, freakish sideburns, slash...

Soon everyone left the press conference and Brian began to feel very bored. Just then the lead guitarist in his band, The Venus in Furs, walked over and said, "Brian, perhaps you'd like to get together with the band and we could practice one day soon?"

Brian started laughing insanely for quite a long time. Finally the guitarist, Trevor Finn, said, "Look, you've got to come to practice, otherwise I swear to God, I'll grow sideburns just like David Bowie's bass player."

"David Bowie?" 

Trevor, realizing his mistake, quickly said, "Nothing, nothing. I just meant that I'll grow really ugly sideburns if you don't come to practice once in a while."

"Oh _fine_ but only if I get to bring Curt along."

"I suppose."

* * * 

__

A few months later, at practice with The Venus in Furs, Brian finally decides to show up…

"Well, Trevor, are you happy? I'm here," said Brian, walking in with Curt on his arm. 

"You finally decided to show up," replied the guitarist with the blonde, uber-seventies hair. 

"Well, it's your fault. I can't believe you actually grew those sideburns, they were so long and hideous. I don't know how that _David Bowie_ fellow stands it."

"Yes…well, let's run through a few songs, shall we?" 

Brian sighed, "All right." They played some songs until Brian got a little bored and said, "Hang on a minute," and went over to make out with Curt. 

After about nineteen minutes, at which time Brian had begun to unzip Curt's pants and move downward, Trevor became annoyed. "As much as we all appreciate your little show, Brian, don't you think we should practice some more?" 

Brian looked up, gazed thoughtfully at Trevor, then at Curt, then back to Trevor and said, "Umm…no. I'm actually quite happy right where I am."

"Yes," said Curt, "I'm happy with where he is as well."

"Oh for Pete's sake!" said the drummer, who had never spoken before, and stormed out.

"Sorry about him," said the bass player, "He's a little homophobic."

No one had any idea what to say to this and so there was a long, drawn out, awkward pause. Finally Curt broke the silence by saying, "Hey, Brian, why don't we go back home where there's a bed…I'm not partial to folding chairs."

Brian shrugged and stood up. Curt refastened his pants and got up off the folding chair, together they walked off to find a bed. 


	4. arthur interupts his boring life

The next morning Brian woke up in a bed. His first thought was, 'I'm in a bed and I'm awake.' He didn't find this realization at all remarkable so he turned to Curt and said, "Good morning."

Curt, who was still asleep, didn't answer. Brian nudged Curt a few times, until he sat up and said, "Uhng, what?"

"It's time to wake up," said Brian, cheerily.

Curt pushed Brian onto the floor and went back to sleep. Brian stood up, dusted himself off and went over to the mirror to fix his hair. As he was combing his fabulous hair he heard a knock at the door. He had planned to ignore the knock but soon found that that would be impossible, as it was rather incessant. He went over, opened the door and said, "What do you want."

"Oh! Mr. Slade, I was wondering if I could get your autograph? My name's Arthur Stuart…I'm a huge fan. I adore you. Honestly." 

Brian got a good look at the awkward young man standing in his doorway; he was rather sweaty and looked horrible in makeup. Unfortunately, he was wearing plenty of makeup, especially eye shadow. His shirt was too tight, not in a good way and it was covered with tiny buttons. Brian sighed petulantly, saying, "And how, may I ask, did you get past security?"

"I dunno," was the reply.

"I see." 

"Brian, who's out there?" asked Curt, walking over to the door.

"Oh my God!" said Arthur, "You have Curt Wild in there as well?"

"Yes," Brian said, shortly. "Umm…I have to go and get something, I'll be right back. Curt, why don't you give Arthur your autograph in the mean time." Brian quickly left and went to the elevator. He rode up and down on the elevator, hoping the hideous teenager would be gone by the time he got back. 

When Brian got back to the apartment he was immensely surprised to find Arthur and Curt kissing in the hallway. "Brian!" Curt said, guiltily.

Of course, Brian wasn't jealous at all. He started laughing hysterically for quite a while. After a few minute of the laughter Curt said to Arthur, "Maybe you should go. I have to calm him down a little."

"Ok," said Arthur and went off to resume his boring life.

Curt turned to Brian, "Come inside, I'll get you some water."

Brian tried to answer but found that he was laughing to hard. 

After a few sips of water Brian finally managed to say, "Why _on earth_ would you touch that sweaty, sweaty person? I mean, for Christ's sake, it's not as if you're really desperate!"

"I don't know, it was sort of a spur of the moment thing."

Brian said, through tears of laughter, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to kiss you again, what with the taste of _him_ in your mouth."

"Jesus, will you stop laughing for one goddamn second, Brian?" Curt was becoming annoyed.

"Sorry," said Brian, trying not to laugh and failing spectacularly. 

"Oh for fuck's sake, I'm gonna go get a sandwich," Curt said, leaving the room. 


	5. an argument

While Curt was off getting a sandwich Brian tried to get his laughter under control. It took him about fifteen minutes but he was finally able to. When he was feeling more calm he began to think about his career. 'I should experiment with mime,' he thought. Then he thought, 'Oh, but mimes are so annoying!'

At that point Curt walked in and seeing Brian's thoughtful expression, asked suspiciously, "What are you thinking about Bri?"

"I was just thinking about incorporating more mime into the live shows."

"If there's one thing your act needs it's more mime," said Curt sarcastically.

Brian rolled his eyes, "Well don't worry, I'm not going to. Mimes are annoying."

"Good."

"How was your sandwich?"

"Fine."

Brian was becoming exasperated with Curt's use of the monosyllabic answers and said, "Are you still mad about me laughing at you?"

"Maybe," Curt answered childishly.

"Oh come on, that was like an hour ago! I can't believe you're still mad and, anyway, you deserve it for kissing that sweaty freak." There was a pause and then Brian looked at Curt questioningly and said, "Why _did_ you kiss him?"

"I don't know, I suppose it was just something to do."

"Yeah, I'm sorry I left you alone for_ so_ long."

Curt didn't say anything.

"Well, I'm tired of this," Brian declared, "I'm going to find some suburbanites to frighten with my androgyny. You can come if you want."

"Ok," said Curt and they went off to visit Bixton wearing their most scandalous clothing.


	6. a concert

When they got to Brixton Brian said, "I'm tired of this. Let's go."

"Ok," said Curt and they left.

They walked along the sidewalk for awhile until Brian stopped abruptly and said, "Oh God! I just remembered, I have a concert in an hour!" 

"We'd better go!" Curt said, somewhat unnecessarily, as they jumped into a taxi.

When they arrived at the auditorium Brian said, "Some one! Help dress me!"

Someone appeared from behind a large, velvet curtain and said, "I'll help dress you."

"Ick," said Brian staring with disapproval at the filthy person wearing the bizarre potato bag.

"Don't mock me!" the person yelled.

"Security!" yelled Curt and the man was promptly dragged away. 

"Now that that's taken care of…" Brain said, and then "Oh fuck, look who it is."

Curt turned around and saw Shannon walking towards them. "Hi Brian," she said, obviously in love with him, "It's time for you to get dressed."

"All right," he said as he followed her reluctantly into a dressing room.

Curt smirked as they walked away, glad she wasn't about to dress him. After a moment he began to feel an unwelcome wave of sympathy for Brian. 'She's so obviously in love with him,' he thought, 'and she'll be undressing him…that's gotta be uncomfortable…oh damn it! I suppose I'll go in there.' 

He walked into the dressing room and saw Shannon blushing and pretending not to stare at Brian's chest as she removed his shirt. 

"Oh hi Curt!" Brian said, "I'm glad to see you."

"Good," said Curt, glaring at Shannon.

She glared back.

"Oh for God's sake, stop glaring at each other," said Brian, "I can see you, you know, you're behind me but I'm looking in a mirror."

"Oh right," said Curt. He walked over to the makeup counter and started fiddling about with the lipsticks.

Brian sat, staring at Curt for several minutes before he said, "Curt will you stop fiddling about!"

Curt said, "Fine!" and stopped.

"I'm really bored," Brian said.

"Well fortunately the concerts about to start," said Jerry, walking in. "We were all rather worried that you'd decide not to show up," he said pointedly.

Brian ignored Jerry's comment and stood up. "Is the band on stage?" he asked.

"They have been for ten minutes."

"Perfect." Brian left the room and went off in the direction of the stage.

"Oh…Brian's so sexy…" Shannon sighed.

Jerry and Curt turned to look at her and Curt laughed a bit.

"I didn't say anything!" she said.

Just then Mandy walked in and said, "Have you seen Brian?"

"He just went on stage," said Jerry.

"Hmm…" she said. Then, "Hey Curt, wanna shag?"

"No." he said.

"Jerry?" she asked.

"No." was his answer.

She turned to Shannon, "Shannon?"

"No…umm…no."

"All right," she said to everyone in the room, "But you're missing out."

"I doubt it," said Curt.

"Oh!" she said, obviously rather put out, "You think just 'cause you're fucking Brian Slade no one else is good enough for you! Well, fuck, darling…it's just not true! I've been with Brian millions of times and he's not all that special."

"You have not been with Brian millions of times! He told me himself that he can hardly stand to look at you, much less touch you."

"Fuck you Curt Wild…with your garage band and your, 'Oh look at me I'm shagging Maxwell Demon.' You'll never be anything more that Brian's shadow!" And with that she passed out.

Brian, who had returned minutes ago to retrieve an earring he forgot, had heard the entire exchange and was now barely able to stand he was laughing so hard. "Now I remember why I married her," he said, "She's always good for a laugh!" He went back to the stage to greet the, now rather sick of waiting, crowd. 


End file.
